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October 18, 2002
Maxxx Orbison
Everyone has dreams of making it big in Hollywood, but some just end up making pornos. In Maxxx Orbison's case, he got to do both. Thanks to a fateful *ahem* stroke of luck, the director of Orgazmo found the ultimate leading man at his front door. Joe Young (Trey Parker) was hoping to spread the word of the Lord, but ended up starring in a movie where chicks just spread their legs.
On screen, Orgazmo would defeat foes by making them feel sweet pleasure via the Orgazmorator, then kick their ass. Behind the scenes, however, Maxxx Orbison was a greedy, controlling tyrant with a team of stooges ready to keep his stars in line.
Maxxx's destiny is uncertain. Greed drove him to rush Orgazmo 2 into production after the first movie miraculously became the biggest hit of all time (pre-Titanic, of course). And that same greed may have cost him the most valuable things every man holds dear: his family jewels. But that loss may have made him even stronger, for now you must fear... Neutered Man! (We'll see if that ever becomes a reality, though.)
INTELLIGENCE - 6: He is conniving, with some decent evil ideas about how to do business.
POWER - 5: He's a big guy, but let's his thugs do the dirty work for him.
VILENESS - 4: He takes Joe's fiance hostage, threatening to turn her into a porn star. Kinky.
SWAY - 7: One of his stronger points, Maxxx gets what he wants or he gets mad (and screams louder).
PURITY - 7: Not even seeing Orgazmo become the biggest box office hit will satify his greed.
PHYSICAL - 5: The slicked-back hair and chunky stature remind some of a cinematic version of ECW's Paul Heyman.
TOTAL: 34
Posted by Destro at October 18, 2002 02:50 PM