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August 04, 2003

Jonathan Reiss

Very few world-renowned scientists are actually awarded for their evil deeds, but in the case of Dr. Jonathan Reiss (Ciarán Hinds), he got a Nobel Prize before he became a maniac. No matter, though; his work in toxicology was merely the tip of the iceberg as he's interested in discovering the most deadly plague ever released on the planet.

Here's the story: there's these ruins off the coast of Greece that hold an artifact that points the way to the Cradle of Life, a super-top-secret location (in Africa, by the way), where Pandora's Box is protected from the world. Reiss wants Pandora's Box so he can unleash the greatest plague ever known to mankind, wipe out a shitload of people, and take over the world. When it comes to finding artifacts and saving the world, however, what esteemed archeologist are ya gonna call? And if Indiana Jones is too old, who's next?

Superbabe Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) is already on the case, you see, and with the help of shady hunk/old flame Terry Sheridan (Gerard Butler), she proceeds to kick ass, find stuff, and you know the rest. The point here is that Reiss does very little aside from supplying incredible knowledge along with the Nobel Prize money to fund this little expedition. (All in the name of science, eh?) He doesn't fight, he doesn't scare anybody... He could probably kick your ass in the Science section of Trivial Pursuit, but in the search for one of the most dangerous artifacts ever imagined, was there ever any doubt this guy was gonna buy it? Just like the pool of lava in the end, he's in over his head here.

INTELLIGENCE - 8: Wicked smart Nobel Prize-winning scientist. As a villain, he's also got some clever ideas.

POWER - 4: What did he hire all that help for? To let him do the fighting? I don't think so.

VILENESS - 7: He's honestly ready to annihilate possibly billions of people. His homemade Ebola virus is also a neat party trick.

SWAY - 5: He's a bit smarmy, but a little too weak to intimidate most. It helps with the gun in his hand.

PURITY - 6: He's all about the money and power: it's worth more than scientific recognition anyway.

PHYSICAL - 3: Nothing special about the doctor's appearance.

TOTAL: 33

Posted by Destro at August 4, 2003 09:35 AM