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October 03, 2003
Street Preacher
The year is 2021 and a data courier named Johnny (Keanu Reeves) holds some awfully precious cargo in the memory chip implanted in his head. Not only is he being chased by every trigger-happy badass in Newark, but he's been overstuffed with data, causing synaptic problems and, if not treated, fatal seepage. (That sounds grosser than it really is.) Johnny needs to get the data out of his head, but when it's discovered the data could save millions of lives, he's gotta get it out intact. On the way to making this happen, a bounty hunter gets hired by the head of the pharmaceutical company trying to keep the miracle cure under wraps. That bounty hunter is the Street Preacher (Dolph Lundgren).
Looking like something that walked out of Thunderdome, down deep the Preacher is a highly-augmented human being, with seemingly no real bones left in his body. He's built for fighting and killing, and all the while, delivering the Word of God for good measure. Hey, any killing machine that can deliver last rites at the same time has got to be convenient somehow.
The Preacher gets on Johnny's trail, leaving interrogated, tortured corpses behind with the help of his Holy Cross, doubling as a machete. He's definitely got a thing for impaling people; maybe he's got a crucifixion hang-up... Nevertheless, this more-than-human mercenary eventually tracks down Johnny and ends up meeting a power surge strong enough to fry every human and non-human molecule in his body. (Ah, the power of the Internet...) Yes, the Preacher will now have to answer to the Man Upstairs personally, particularly after the messy ways in which he sent previous victims His way before.
INTELLIGENCE - 5: Average intellect for a bounty hunter, but he sure knows his scripture.
POWER - 8: Built like a cyborg, the Preacher has the strength and power to crush those who face him.
VILENESS - 8: Sticking sharp objects into people seems to be the Preacher's favorite way to get attention.
SWAY - 5: His religious rantings put confusion more than the fear of God into people.
PURITY - 8: Driven by the Good Book and the Bottom Line, he's a mercenary down deep.
PHYSICAL - 5: Looks like a homeless guy, but his size is still intimidating.
TOTAL: 39
Posted by Destro at October 3, 2003 01:01 PM