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June 30, 2004

Saddam Hussein

Saddam Hussein (voiced by Matt Stone) isn't the leader of Iraq anymore. No, not after a pack of wild dogs (or Canadians) ripped him limb from limb. Now he resides in Hell, but what is not quite as expected is his ability to use his scheming ways down there as well. Sure enough, that sandy little butthole Saddam has gotten his claws into Satan (voiced by Trey Parker) and the two now represent a truly unholy alliance which could bring about the end of the world as we know it.

Meanwhile, up in South Park, the citizens are doing a good enough job of their own raising Hell on Earth. The parents of the town have struck up a movement to eliminate the two people they believe are most responsible for the filth and depravity their children have been exposed to: Terrance and Philip. These two legendary Canadian entertainers are set to be martyred by the South Park parents' coalition. Deep in Hell, Satan is planning his attack while Saddam is encouraging him, not to mention engaging in all matter of strange sexual acts with the giant red demon. Saddam insults and orders Satan around, and Satan takes it, just like a little bitch.

Kenny McCormick, one of South Park's unluckiest little citizens, dies and finds himself on Satan's doorstep. He sees that Saddam is taking advantage of the situation and of his giant horned lover. Satan, being the sensitive harbinger of evil he is, feels conflicted between his desire for the evil Saddam and his will to stand on his own two, umm, cloven hooves. Kenny tries to advise Satan on what to do, but while Saddam professes his willingness to change, Satan is not so sure. In the end, the demon is willing to give things with his lover another shot.

Soon enough, the blood of Terrance and Philip are spilled on American soil, and Satan soon ascends to the surface of Earth, Saddam in tow. Satan announces that because of mankind's foolishness, he is now able to take over the entire world. Saddam, on the other hand, believes this is his chance to regain some kind of power, and commands mankind to bow to him. Satan is taken aback by this brazen abuse of power. Kenny tells Satan that he has to stand up for himself (at least, I think Kenny said that). Satan finally does, and lets Saddam know exactly what he thinks. Saddam continues to call him name, showing no sensitivity for what Satan has gone through, so Satan rids mankind of Saddam by casting him down back into Hell, where he is impaled and (hopefully) dies. Again.

INTELLIGENCE - 6: This former military leader is ready and willing to take power as soon as he can.

POWER - 2: Saddam can't do anything without Satan. That much is obvious.

VILENESS - 10: Not only does he like to bang Satan, but I bet the Skeet Ulrich poster was his idea too. Chilling.

SWAY - 7: His psychological warfare works for a long time on Satan until the Red Beast finally grows a set.

PURITY - 10: The former Iraqi ruler is focused on regaining power at any cost, even by getting in bed (literally) with the Ruler of All That Is Evil.

PHYSICAL - 3: Between Satan and Saddam, I think we can see exactly who the little bitch is.

TOTAL: 38

Posted by Destro at June 30, 2004 10:40 AM