October 15, 2004
Kim Jong Il
The only thing scarier than a weapon of mass destruction is the person willing to use it. And that would make Kim Jong Il the scariest mofo on the planet. The North Korean dictator has assembled a secret cache of WMDs and has been organizing terrorists around the world to unleash them upon the planet at the same time, thereby knocking the United States down to the same level as everyone else in the world. And we can't have that...
The heroic Team America is dispatched to fight the terrorists off and discover who is behind this devious plan. They draft Gary, a Broadway actor, to pose as a Middle Eastern terrorist and infiltrate the bad guys. Team America has a habit of shooting first and asking questions later, though, and their trail of bullets, dead bodies, and desecrated national monuments eventually leads them into a trap. Kim Jong Il captures the team and only Gary can save them. In the end, Team America must pull together to defeat Alec Baldwin's gang of peacenik glitterati.
As for Kim Jong Il, at every turn, he shows how eccentric a character he is while simultaneously showing no mercy for those in his way. Not long after firing a bullet through the head of his interpreter for a complete misunderstanding, his terrorist associates bow to his wishes, afraid of him. Only a complete maniac would terrorize other terrorists! Also, he shows no respect for the United Nations or what they stand for when he feeds Hans Blix to his pet sharks. It's no wonder Il finds himself so "ronery."
Ultimately, Team America foils Il's plan and discovers the ugly truth behind Kim Jong Il's identity. Suffice it to say: he is a puppet, like many of the politicians and celebrities in the world, but when freedom is in danger, you can count on Team America being there to cut the strings, bitch.
INTELLIGENCE - 7: This South Korean leader has drawn up a plan to turn the entire planet into Third World countries. He is smart and very dangerous.
POWER - 3: Kim Jong Il lets his Hollywood comrades and hired guns work for him. And he's a puppet; he can't do shit.
VILENESS - 9: What kind of maniac would subject Hans Blix to the wrath of angry nurse sharks?
SWAY - 7: Although some people have trouble understanding him, he did execute his last translator, so you'd better try hard to listen.
PURITY - 10: The entire world is on the brink of disaster because of this psychopath!
PHYSICAL - 2: Not only is he a little dude with big goofy glasses, but he's also 10 inches tall. With strings.
Posted by Destro at October 15, 2004 09:46 AM