May 07, 2004
Col. Nathan R. Jessup
Colonel Nathan R. Jessup (Jack Nicholson) eats breakfast three hundred yards from four thousand Cubans who a trained to kill him, so don't think for a second that anyone can intimidate such a decorated, determined, and patriotic American like him. No, the only way you can intimidate a man like him is to catch him off guard, to discover his weakness and expose it, to leverage the justice system for the chance to find the skeletons hanging in this guy's closet. In other words, the only way you can intimidate Col. Nathan R. Jessup is to catch him in a lie, and demand a reason for it.
Jessup was the commanding officer of the ground forces stationed in Guantanomo Bay, Cuba. His Marines worked as a machine with lots of help from his right-hand men, Lt. Col. Markinson (J.T. Walsh) and Lt. Kendrick (Kiefer Sutherland). When one of the men made a mistake, it was the job of the other men to never let that one Marine forget it. Using a hazing technique known as a "Code Red," a couple of Marines were ordered to let one of their own know he made a mistake one night. The mistake, it turns out, was theirs, as the young Marine wound up dead.
Faced with incredible embarassment, Jessup did everything he could to cover up the details of the order given to the two young Marines now on trial for murder. They were left out to dry, facts were covered up, and official documents were falsified. The simple fact was that if word got out an order was given to rough up the deceased kid, Jessup's ass and the rest of officers would be on the block. Leave it to one young upstart attorney, Lt. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise), a guy hired to plea bargain for the two Marines and unwittingly sweep the case under a rug, to actually investigate and uncover a conspiracy.
Dramatically called to the stand, Col. Jessup would voice his lack of respect for the people like Caffee who did things to tear people down instead of understanding what he was trying to do. Jessup made his moves to protect his Marines and his country, and it's just too damn bad that one subpar Marine fell got dragged under the wheels of his rise to political power. His devotion to the Marine way of life is admirable, but Jessup takes offense to being questioned about the manner in which he protects his country. In the end, he shows his true colors and admits to giving the order that cost at least two Marines their lives and two innocent Marines their careers. He can't understand why he's being punished for his actions; after everything, it is in fact Col. Jessup who can't handle the truth.
INTELLIGENCE - 7: Jessup is the commanding officer of the Marine ground forces in Cuba. He's earned these points.
POWER - 5: He's one tough Marine, but he is an older Marine.
VILENESS - 8: The death of one of his own hardly bothers him; covering it up is his only concern.
SWAY - 10: Jessup makes everyone uncomfortable, whether he's barking orders or calm and cool.
PURITY - 10: He's not just driven by the Marine code; he is obsessed with it.
PHYSICAL - 5: He's one of the meanest lookin' soldiers you'll ever meet.
TOTAL: 45
Posted by Destro at 11:00 AM
October 31, 2003
Jack Torrance
If there's one thing we learned from Poltergeist, it's that Indian burial grounds are bad news. Pity that movie came out two years after The Shining, because that info could have really helped Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson). Hired to be the winter caretaker of the Overlook Hotel located deep in the Rocky Mountains, Jack brings his wife Wendy and son Danny to live there with him for the winter. The solitude of the place should be perfect for Jack, who would like to utilize the peace and quiet to write.
Of course, Jack is let in on the hotel's dirty little secret before accepting the job: a previous caretaker named Grady went crazy, murdering his family and committing suicide. The complete isolation must have driven him crazy. Jack accepts the job anyway. Turns out that the isolation isn't the most dangerous thing up there, though, as the hotel itself - built on an Indian burial ground - begins to influence Jack and haunt the psychic-powered Danny.
Torrance tries to write but cannot, as he is continually interrupted by manifestations inside the hotel. He sees people from the hotel's past, guests and employees, including Grady himself. He is overtaken by these hallucinations, and is turned against his wife and son. Danny, on the other hand, sees visions of surreal horror, enough to make even the biggest kid crash their big wheel in the hallway. As his father's temper shortens, his rage builds, and Jack decends into complete madness, Danny finds a way to contact an ally, a cook from the hotel with the same psychic powers who decides to return to the Overlook.
Eventually, the hotel forces Jack's trembling hand, and his hands find their way to an axe handle. In one of the most memorable scenes in movie history - "Here's Johnny!" - Jack bashes through a bathroom door, looking to bash his wife's head in. When the hotel cook arrives to try and help, Jack slams the axe into his chest. Moments later, Jack is hot on Danny's trail, and the chase leads to a giant maze of overgrown shrubbery in the middle of a good ol' Rocky Mountain blizzard. Backtracking through the snow, Danny outwits Jack, who is drunk with rage and emotion. He stumbles around, unable to find his way back, and collapses. By next morning, Jack has frozen to death and Wendy and Danny have left. But the Overlook Hotel and the memories stored inside its walls still remain.
INTELLIGENCE - 6: Jack is an intelligent man, but nothing could prepare him for this hotel.
POWER - 5: As he gets crazier, his axe swings just get wilder (not more accurate).
VILENESS - 8: He's ready to kill his wife and son, and never hesitates once the hotel cook enters the fray.
SWAY - 8: His madness makes him louder and incredibly unpredictable.
PURITY - 10: By the end, Jack is no longer in control of his actions.
PHYSICAL - 6: At first, he just needs a shave. By the end, his face has adopted an almost primal snarl.
TOTAL: 43
Posted by Destro at 09:30 AM
May 29, 2002
Daryl Van Horne
How can a man so repulsive, so disgusting, and so damn horny get three hot chicks like Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon, and Cher to do his bidding? Somewhere there is an answer. Hell knows where it is.
The truth is, however, that Daryl Van Horne has many secrets and his power over these beautiful women and the rest of the small town of Eastwick is simply one of them. He has seemingly boundless supernatural powers and the ability to sway even the most docile of elementary school teachers into a veritable blaze of lustful rage.
He's got plans for his women, of course, but his struggle to control them and his own animalistic desires are too much to overcome in the end. One question remains, however: Is he the devil? No one can say for sure, but in the long line of Devilish creatures in motion pictures, Mr. Van Horne is right at the front.
INTELLIGENCE - 7: Not all-knowing, but certainly most-knowing. Very clever and even imaginative.
POWER - 9: The powers of flight, telekinesis, and telepathy. Kinda like the X-Men without Logan's knives or the Professor.
VILENESS - 8: Gleefully terrorized the community, particularly Felicia Alden, who was never the same after the cherry incident.
SWAY - 10: His influence is elevated by the thick layer of charm and smarm he applies to every word he utters. How else do you explain him scoring three hot chicks?
PURITY - 8: He's got a great plan up his sleeve, but is too emotionally unbalanced to see things through.
PHYSICAL - 2: Listen to Cher's speech again about Daryl Van Horne again and this rating won't surprise you.
TOTAL: 44
Posted by Destro at 05:21 PM
March 28, 2002
Joker
Jack Napier was a relatively normal maniac thug until he fell (or was dropped, depending on the story) into a vat of nasty stuff at Axis Chemicals in Gotham City.
After that, his permanent grin and psychotic glee became his calling cards, as did death and destruction. By far the most popular of the Batman series villains, The Joker is one of the toughest mofos on the list without the benefit of superpowers.
He was a true genius with skills in a number of scientific fields. Combined with a lust for chaos, he certainly gave the Dark Knight a run for his money. The Joker (and Nicholson's performance) was so chilling, in fact, that many people would welcome his return to Gotham. Just don't admit that to Bruce Wayne... er... Batman.
INTELLIGENCE - 10: Skilled in a number of scientific fields (i.e. chemistry) and has an extremely creative mind.
POWER - 4: Physically weak; relies on his boys to do most of the tough stuff. Remember that final fight with Batman? Bad.
VILENESS - 10: Was ready to nerve gas the entire Gotham population. And don't forget what he did to his girlfriend or his right-hand man, Bob, when he didn't get his way.
SWAY - 9: Convinced all of Gotham that he was the Good Guy compared to Batman; very strong personality.
PURITY - 9: He's pretty insane ever since the dip in the chemicals pool, way past the point of no return.
PHYSICAL - 5: The grin is terrifying, but he doesn't want to scare people with his wardrobe, he wants to impress them - a slave to his own fashion.
TOTAL: 47
Posted by Destro at 03:25 PM