May 28, 2002
Grand Moff Tarkin
With the exception of the Emperor, Grand Moff Tarkin was the most powerful man in the Empire. Around the beginning of the fourth episode in the Star Wars saga, politics still had quite a stranglehold on things in the galaxy and Tarkin was the top man. For real proof though, consider this: he was the only one who could tell Vader what to do without having his windpipe crushed by The Force. That’s pretty incredible.
However, his power over the armies of the Empire and the Death Star battle station was nothing compared to what he did with it. He proclaimed that fear would allow the Empire to govern and proved it by continually bullying everyone in sight. He had no respect for the cause of the Rebellion ether, ordering Princess Leia’s termination. His ultimate act of evil, however, was his casual destruction of the peace-loving world of Alderaan. Destroying that planet… that’s about as low as any villain has ever gone. And to think he did it so casually, like he was ordering a friggin’ pizza… what an ass.
Tarkin rates incredibly high on some important Mofo meters, most especially Sway and Vileness. He may not score higher than Vader, but he will forever be known as one of the vilest villains in cinematic history.
INTELLIGENCE - 10: This well-established leader of the Empire was brilliant, cunning, and arrogant (an especially nice Mofo quality).
POWER - 2: He was far more political and strategic than physical in his moves.
VILENESS - 10: Blew up Alderaan - and an entire world's population - on a whim.
SWAY - 9: Not only a commanding leader, but also held Vader’s leash. That's pretty awesome.
PURITY - 9: His commitment to evil is legendary, almost to a fault. Vader at least had the sense to get out of the Death Star and fight.
PHYSICAL - 3: Not too scary-looking, aside from that dour look on his face.
TOTAL: 43
Posted by Destro at 04:57 PM
March 28, 2002
Darth Maul
He's dark. He's mysterious. He carries the coolest lightsaber you've ever seen. However, when put to the test here, one of the coolest looking villains in recent history, Darth Maul, is a disappointment.
Think about it: all he did throughout The Phantom Menace was stand by his master, Darth Sidious, and look menacing. When asked to take care of business - in the form of Jedi Knights Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) - he certainly did the job... for a while. He may have been a total bad-ass, but his career was cut short when put to the test.
Given more time and experience (and sequels), Darth Maul - played by the electric Ray Park - could have easily become one of the scarier villains of all time. Only an apprentice, we was well on his way to becoming a Jedi Master. We can only imagine how nasty he would have been if he hadn't met his untimely end and learned some of the things that made Darth Vader, for example, such a crazy mofo.
INTELLIGENCE - 5: Well-trained... to follow orders. Seems to understand his look is what’s carrying his power.
POWER - 10: One of the greatest fighting villains of all time. Took on two well-trained Jedis in the finale.
VILENESS - 6: Did as much as he could to just kill, kill, kill. Never got too creative in terms of how he did that though.
SWAY - 5: Seemed bad-ass enough. Never really got a chance to show off his intimidation techniques.
PURITY - 8: Programmed by his master, Sidious, Maul did everything he was told.
PHYSICAL - 9: Absolutely perfect, right down to that creepy tattooed face. But he’s awfully short for a Jedi.
TOTAL: 43
Posted by Destro at 03:18 PM
March 08, 2002
Jabba the Hutt
This vile gangster is easily one of the most disgusting Mofos we've ever seen. Jabba the Hutt was nasty, arrogant, greedy, and totally unsettling as the heavy (pun intended) at the beginning of Return of the Jedi, Episode Six of the Star Wars saga.
He was a collector of fine things: money, spice (drugs), and people, including dancing slave girls and human wall adornments like Han Solo. He was ruthless but with a keen mind, able to fend off the influential powers of a Jedi Knight like Luke Skywalker. But his excess - both in terms of his physical girth and complete arrogance - would get the best of him.
Jabba is clearly a legend among Mofos for his physical attributes and, as you could see in the movie, when he spoke, people listened. If not, they might end up as the next snack for the Sarlaac.
INTELLIGENCE - 8: You don't become a crime lord based on good looks alone: Jabba is quite shrewd and experienced.
POWER - 2: Unable to even move on his own accord, he couldn't fend off a lethal attack from Leia and her chain. Gluttony will get you nowhere.
VILENESS - 7: Barbaric in his ways, Jabba would "feed" the Sarlaac Pit whenever anyone got on his bad side. *shudder*
SWAY - 8: Well-skilled in the ways of influencing people, and scores extra points for resisting Luke's mind control.
PURITY - 8: Greedy as hell and consumed by his own arrogance, Jabba is truly evil with a capitalistic streak.
PHYSICAL - 10: Absolutely revolting, Jabba could disturb even the steadiest beings in the galaxy.
TOTAL: 43
Posted by Destro at 03:45 PM
March 03, 2002
Darth Vader
If the Death Star is the "ultimate power in the universe," then this hulking heap of black leather and machinery is the perfect badass to command it. Formerly a little boy with amazing piloting abilities, the Dark Lord of the Sith originally came to life in the opening scene of Star Wars: A New Hope. He went on to lead the bad guys to a big loss in that movie, chopped his son's hand off in the next one, and met a very Viking end in the big finale. In between, he did just about everything a supervillian can do to ensure the top spot on our scoreboard: torture people, choke people, chop his own son's hand off, threaten to turn his daughter to the Dark Side... The list goes on, as does his immortality as one of the craziest mofos ever.
INTELLIGENCE - 8: Very smart with excellent command and strategic ability. Usually always a step ahead of the good guys.
POWER - 10: He can choke people from ten feet away, toss things at people from across a room with his mind... nuff said.
VILENESS - 8: Tortured just about everyone in the trilogy at least once in a number of tasty ways.
SWAY - 10: The voice of James Earl Jones says it all, literally. Not to mention the ability The Force has to cloud minds.
PURITY - 9: Thoroughly consumed by evil... until that fateful day when he had enough of his boss, Palpatine. Point off there.
PHYSICAL - 10: The mask, the costume, the cape, the look. Nothing says supervillain like that getup.
TOTAL: 55
Posted by Destro at 11:58 PM